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Romance: Love or Lack?

Do you have harmonious, fulfilling relationships? Or is there ongoing emotional drama and conflict? Has anyone ever explained where this comes from? Evidently, after 'God-knows' how many books have been written about this sort of thing, there is a lot to it and which could be said. In a relatively short article like this, very little can be said. I am therefore going to cut to the core of things in a concise way: Much confusion arises when observing life from a superficial view. We could endlessly circle around psychological theories; debating cultural, traditional and religious beliefs as to why 'the drama' continues and who's 'fault' it is. Yet that will never bring about a solution to the drama.

The reason that a solution will not be found in this way (debating psychological theories and beliefs and blaming each other), is because the drama arises out of something called entanglement and co-dependency. These elements of interaction occur due to our current vibrational state which is another way of saying; level of spiritual maturity.

Because spiritual maturity doesn't 'happen' through purely psychological analysis, we can not escape this reality - no matter how much reading we do - by attempting to address this through reason only.

There is a disturbing feeling associated with any emotional conflict or dissatisfaction. This feeling, although it may vary between different recognized states such as; anger, jealously, envy, bitterness, resentment etc; these all represent different 'colours' that we may experience when deviating away from the 'white light' of harmony, which is otherwise our natural organic state.

If you have experienced what it is like to be in a state of total harmony in your life, you will certainly not want to deviate from this, ever. The contrast between this aligned state and conflict is so extreme that it is polarizing as a strong preference (to remain in a state of harmony). Unfortunately, because of the amount of noise and constant commotion running through the minds of most people, this is actually a foreign state of being. True peace and contentment has never been experienced. Having never experienced genuine stillness of being, which is the foundation of peace, the majority go about their lives like a yo-yo; 'up' at times and then 'down' at other times; depending on what 'mood' they are in. Needless to say, that if this is the case - sooner or later - this inconsistency will be reflected in any 'romantic' relationship that we may have.

In short, this 'colourful' experience is occurring because of the:

Lack of completeness within our being.

Artists throughout history have utilized this intrinsic lack as an inspiration for their lyrical content:

"How can I live without you"

"You complete me"

"My heart is bleeding when your gone"


When you're young an inexperienced, this idea seems incredibly attractive:

"When I find that one person who is just perfect for me; when I find my soul-mate; then everything will be perfect; my life will be complete and I will be happy" etc.

Is this what happens though? Or is it more like a magical period of illusory 'perfection' before things get real and we begin pulling and pushing at each other to 'fulfill our needs'? Those familiar with the energies of the expectation-disappointment-blame cycle that is all too familiar within co-dependent relationships, will also be familiar with how tedious and ultimately; repulsive that can be. 'Repulsive' as a description of magnetic effect, that is; repelling; unattractive. That is if you are a person that is at least partially attuned to your soul which naturally exists in a state of freedom.

What is it that we are trying to extract from our partners? Love? Money? Company? Attention? Entertainment? Support? Fulfillment? If you believe that you can reliably meet these needs outside of yourself in the form of another person, you will not be able to escape ongoing emotional drama because the reality is that people have their own wants and needs and will not always desire to fulfill yours - potentially at the exclusion of their own.

The LACK that we feel within our hearts acts as a bottomless pit; a black hole that continues to suck the light (energy and attention) from those around us yet can never be fulfilled thereby. This parasitical behaviour is in contradistinction to someone who has 'found themself' and thereby lit the sun of radiance within their heart; illuminating their needs, wants and desires into sovereignty in the process.

The vast majority of 'socializing' that people do, is subconsciously driven by a desire to avoid looking more deeply into themselves which would otherwise fill the void of lack that we have within our hearts. We are our own worst enemies in this regard; ceaselessly postponing our own empowerment whilst endlessly searching for something that can never be found. Is it any wonder why we become frustrated? Why is it that we can not be happy when we are alone?

Being content in your own 'company' is a start. If we can happily avoid the compulsion for ceaseless social interaction; either in-person, online or in our head, we have the opportunity for deeper self-study and exploration. This is best done in meditation. If we find that we are still projecting our lack onto other people; expecting them to 'meet our needs' this is a red flag that there is more work to do within ourselves. It is not a short work.

How deeply can we go before feeling compelled to return to the 'demands' of the world? Or is it more accurate to say; until we return to our various worldly addictions? Until we can happily remain focusing inward without the constant urge to return our attention outwardly, little progress can be made. When we get to the point where we are not only content to remain focused within ourselves, but this becomes the preferred place to be, then we can know we are making progress. What is the progress? It is the filling of the void within our heart; the source of our; lack, anxiety, shame, regret, sadness, guilt, frustration, bitterness, resentment.... all of that which does not allow us to feel good about ourselves and that others are repelled by. It can be permanently absolved in this way. When all this darkness is transmuted, and all that remains is lightness, self-love and joy, how much trouble will it be to genuinely have a loving, fulfilling relationship with someone else?

When we bring the fullness of our being to the interaction; not coming like a beggar; pleading, grasping, wanting and demanding; how much drama can there be? There is no tug of war to take place. If we have not the need to take, but only a natural desire to give; when two people like this come together there can only be an abundance generated. The desire to contribute will pile up and accumulate. When that surplus overflows and two people consistently direct this toward each other, could anything other than a deepening love eventuate?

When one has no need; no expectations to meet, the compulsion for manipulation becomes obsolete. All that remains is honouring of others choices; devoid of interference. This absence of control; this Art of Allowing gives others the freedom that they may not realize they have; to choose as they please. It just might be, that if we allow others to choose as they wish; if we honour and respect their free will, they may take that up and naturally feel compelled to respond to us in a more generous, respectful and obliging way. We might find that our desires, however slight they may be, end up being effortlessly fulfilled without us even having to express them to others. A lot of power and peace can be gained through simply letting go. Do we really want to cage the bird anyway? Or is it more beautiful when it comes to land upon your shoulder because devoid of your own desire, it just wanted to?

In 2 days time it is Valentines Day. This is supposed to be about love, isn't it? And how many boxes of roses, and flowers, and chocolates will be bought; how may limousines and 'get-aways' will be hired only to discover that our wants, needs and desires are still not fulfilled? Are you looking for love or for entertainment; transient distraction from your inherent dissatisfaction with life? If you want to experience the inner state of self-sovereignty through which a truly loving, fulfilling interaction with others can be developed, join me in the next Lightning Path Online event which is taking place on the 14th February, 2023.

We will be addressing this and much more in the class not only on a philosophical level but in a very practical and powerful way too. Here is some uncommon knowledge: The 'Heart Chakra' is a convergence of 144 lines of energy that some have called nadi and others meridians. The only reason this lack and subsequent drama remains within us is because we have yet to activate some of these filaments of light within our heart and so we have the perception that something is missing. We endlessly search for this 'missing element' outside of ourselves where is can never be found... We will be clearing these blockages and activating this divine potential on Tuesday so that genuine transformative changes will take place in the lives of all participants. I hope you will join us. With love and respect, Jake


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